Wednesday, September 12, 2007

in memory of my beloved Invi :(

i am honestly teary-eyed right now. i got home about ten minutes ago, nobody's here. so i texted my mom to tell her i'm home already. and just seconds ago, i received her reply.


"Sori estimate 8k. Goodbye invi"


i know i can't blame anyone. this is all my freakin fault.


"Invi", if you still don't know, is my purple Canon Digital Ixus i Zoom. i bought her April last year, after we sold the car my dad's ticket won in a PMMA Alumni Homecoming. (here's an old blogpost about it).


i named her Invi sometime in October, mainly because "invisible" is one of my favorite words, and the way she lives up to the name. everytime we need her for really significant ans rare pictures, *poof*, always the black screen with the tiny white text at the bottom saying "Please change the battery pack."


but i loved her nonetheless. we loved her. my friends and i. i know my sibs had gotten used to me being the 'photographer'. always the one with the digicam on her pocket, ready to snap away at random but memorable moments. come college, i was also deemed the identity of photographer. still always the one with the digicam on her bag. camwhore here, camwhore there, every single day. be it at the steps, at the hallways, in the comfort room, at the mall, in the fastfood, at the seesaw/swing on the math building, at the path from the math building to the CS building, inside the Ikot jeep, basically anywhere. though i am hardly ever at the nice group pictures, i've always enjoyed being the one to capture it all. thanks to Invi.


when i was in 4th year highschool, i was sort of the official photographer for the school paper. i had my one and only Photojourn page, a photoessay featuring the billboards Milenyo destroyed. all the photos i used, i took using Invi. the poster we used for our retreat, all the pictures there were taken using her. i used herr for photos my sister used in one of her academic requirements. see, she was not just for satisfying doses of vanity.


a part of me has always had this fascination for photographs, and she was my first step to reaching one of my biggest dreams. for all my raw attempts at photography, she was my only tool. yes, i have always had an undying, though sometimes frustration gets in the way, aspiration to be a photographer.


if Invi were a horcrux, the soul inside her would probably have possessed me already. i know she's just a gadget, just an earthly thing, but now i feel like i have lost a friend. this feels like just another shattered dream.


and the worst part is that it's all my fault. due to my carelessness and stupidity, i accidentally dropped her one day, 4 feet straight to the concrete floor. now she's almsot beyond repair. eight thousand. i don't have that much. and i don't have anything for a new camera.


what about my photographer dreams now? what about my photographer role in our block and in my barkada now? what about all the events, the random trippings, the mall trips, the lunchbreaks, the concerts, the kitakits, all those moments that i could have captured forever? what about the skies, the clouds, the treetops, the butterflies? i never even got to take a photo of the flowers and the butterflies that lined the path to the ComSci building.. i had always wanted to. :( what about the sunsets, the seashores, the shadows, all those scenes i would have wanted to freeze in time. hindi ko naman sinadya, pero wala na. i don't know how long i have to wait again. :(


may nakapagsabi sa'kin, "wala sa syanse yan, nasa cook ;)"
pano na yan, wala na yung kaisa-isang syanse ko. :(


goodbye invi. :'(

posted by riela jae at 10:04 PM